Tuesday, May 6, 2008

"to refer to someone who is transgendered by their birth name is neither insulting nor disparaging"

Bad question #4: "What is, or was, your "real" name?"
(@ the 4:12 mark)

This question’s a biggie. My real name is Calpernia Addams, dumbass. What are you really asking here?

When people ask me this question, what I hear, is that you either consider my current identity to be:

A Fabrication
A Lie
A Put-on
A Costume
Or a Joke…

…and you want to get at the "real" truth, behind who I "really" am.

Implication -- a man.

Or, um, they just want to have something to hold on to, to put me back in my place; "Who do you think you are Calpernia, pretending to be a woman? I know your real name, and you’ll always be ‘Frank Smith’ or, ‘Butch Jones' or, whatever to me."

Youu ;)

Well don’t ask this, it’s none of your business.

“Hey, but everybody knows that Marilyn Monroe’s old name was Norma Jean, c’mon Calpernia, we just wanna know.”

Well dumbf**k, when you know Marilyn’s old name, it still doesn’t changer her gender in your mind. She’s still a woman, whether you call her Norma Jean, or Marilyn Monroe.

When you talk to a transwoman about her old name, it’s overlaying a perception of gender onto her -- using that name -- that is very hurtful, and rude.

You know, most all of us in the public eye, eventually have our old names, photographs, and identities, outed by someone from our past. It happens, and I’ve been through a lot in my life, and I can handle it when it does.

All the same though, I just want you know, that when you ask this question, or when you use that old information, I’M HATING YOU, WITH A BURNING, WHITE HOT, DESTRUCTIVE HATRED, THAT’S WARMER THAN THE DEEPEST FIREY PITS OF THE LOWES LEVEL OF HELL.

“Hey, but so and so told me their name. I know the tranny who does my nails at the mall, and she told me right away that her name used to be Bob.”

Well, a lot of transwomen lack validation in their lives. Nobody is ever telling them “Good job!”, or “You look great!”, or much of anything. So they’re left feeling eager to please. They want to say anything, just to get a pat on the back. And this is a very sad situation that a lot of transwomen find themselves in.

So, maybe they told you their old name, just because they wanted your approval. I feel bad for these women in that situation, and I really feel bad that you’re such a low-life scum-bag that you would exploit their need, just to dig a little piece of dirty information out of ‘em.

Ah ah ah, that’s pretty bad of you…
"to refer to someone who is transgendered by their birth name is neither insulting nor disparaging"

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