Woman: What if?
Man: What if?
Stuart Shepard: What if a court ruled that it’s unconstitutional to say that only H2O can be water?
What if judges declared it just wasn’t fair to oxygen… (“pours” empty glass of air into another empty glass (of air))
And hydrogen… ("fills" upside down glass with contents of an inflated balloon.)
So it mandated that all three are now…water.
Second woman: What if?
Third woman: What if?
Stuart Shepard: What if public schools were forced to teach it?
Original Man (now as teacher): Today we are going to study the properties of water.
It is at room temperature, a liquid. It is also a gas that you can breathe. And, it is lighter than air, and highly flammable. And that is the reason that the Hindenburg went up in flames, it was full of water.
Second man: What if?
Fourth woman: What if?
Stuart Shepard: What if ordinary people were confused by the change?
First woman: I don’t know why my plant’s not growing, I water it every day. (pretends to pour water onto dead plant with empty watering can)
Stuart Shepard: What if the health department made restaurants follow the law?
First woman (now as waitress): Alright sweetie, here’s your spaghetti, and your sweet tea. (delivers uncooked spaghetti on plate, and glass of powdered tea)
Stuart Shepard: Thank you. (*CRUNCH* - Shepard cuts into uncooked spaghetti with fork)
As an astute stoplight viewer, you already know this is not a hypothetical, it’s…California.
And it isn’t water, it’s marriage.