Which is my first complaint. It should have been called: "One gay man’s walk out of sexual addiction," or something like that.
Oh, and apparently, he's also not gay. It appears that ever since the back of his book jacket cover was printed, that:
However, believes that the homosexual struggler has the power from God to reject this false-identity and choose not to be gay.Along those lines, he continually uses the term “lifestyle” and “gay lifestyle,” throughout the book, in an effort to conflate his lifestyle of sexual addiction, with same-sex attraction itself (or persons who are same-sex attracted).
He emphasizes that patience and compassion be extended to the struggler, but grieves over the politically motivated gay lobbyists that are affirming millions of young people into the lifestyle through lies.
He does at times refer to this “lifestyle” as being part of the “gay subculture,” but does little if anything to make any distinction beyond that. For example, a committed relationship vs. a/his 400 partner sex life, from the way I read the story, both would both be considered to be "gay lifestyle" equal - given the title of the book alone.
One good thing was that it wasn’t ridden with anti-gay bogus studies and statistics. And that said, much of it was very focused on the autobiographical parts of his life, up to and including the “ex-gay” portions of his life.
One of the best things I was surprised to read was this:
…many homosexuals that have been victim’s of sexual abuse as a child wouldn’t think of touching a child in an unholy manner. They know the grief that their personal molestation cause them and would not engage in such an action.That, despite the fact that there are points in the book in which he uses molestation as one of the causes of homosexuality. So my gratitude is tempered with regret.
From the story he told, it sounded like he grew up a normal gay kid. But as many (especially professional) ex-gays, contend that SSA is developmental, and thus, there must be REASONS, for that same-sex development.
And as Anthony’s story would go, as the youngest of seven boys (fraternal twin), emotionally distant father, and describes his relationship with his mother (who wore the “pants” in the house) as "unhealthily attached to her."
5th grade rolls around, and he "began to be emotionally attached to a male 5th grade teacher at school" who was also the gym teacher. Despite efforts to help Anthony improve athletically, it was to no avail.
He was continually humiliated because he was "chosen as the last person on the baseball team." (I'm sure no one here can relate...)
6th grade followed, and he wanted to dress as a girl for Halloween. His mother and friends were very supportive, but he looks back upon it with disdain as though they shouldn’t have been encouraging his "gender confusion."
"junior high school was my low self esteem was obvious. […] My father didn’t know how to handle me and pushed my back on my mother."He then mentions one of several communiqués from God, which are brief and relatively unexplained, and in my opinion, simply entertaining anecdotes to the story - at least in book review form : )
And guess what’s next…PUBERTY! Now he’s “aware” that he’s attracted to the same-gender.
Mortified by this realization, he joined the soccer team, but they rejected him when they "noticed how insecure he was." Became manager of the basketball team…AND THEN got molested by a stranger and later, seduced by a teacher!
(I feel sickened by his experience growing up, and I want to say something eloquent to justify or help it, but I really have nothing.)
He then says he "began to drawn to others who had either physically or psychologically absent fathers."
I don't mean to infer that I know his story, but I can see that making sense, as one would naturally be drawn to those who have the most in common with them.
At about 9 years old, he received "the calling," as per God: "I vividly remember an inner voice telling me that I would serve God someday."
A common theme runs through the book of the notion that envy is at the root of homosexuality.
(The reasoning being (I think) is that the homosexual, being deficient in masculinity, is thus “envious” and then pursues men/masculinity, to help fill this deficit. (vice versa for you lesbians :))
But he goes further: "A homosexual male does not necessarily feel like a female… he feels neutered."
He then goes into his [Anthony Falzarano’s] sexual escapades and opulent “kept” lifestyle. (just incase you needed a refresher course.)
Now, he says this many times in the book. “Most homosexuals are envy addicts.” And then gives this example:
Leanne Payne offers this example in her books Crisis in Masculinity and The Broken Image> of “the cannibal instinct.” A cannibal does not eat you necessarily because he is hungry. He eats you because he would like to have your spiritual attributes. She mentions that if a cannibal is chasing you, just act crazy and he won’t touch you because he thinks that if he eats you that he will become crazy also. Envy is one of the root causes of homosexuality that must be addressed in therapy.I think what he’s talking about is a misinterpretation of attraction itself. A heterosexual woman is “missing” that masculine portion of her, and thus “envies” what she does not have - true masculinity. Thus, men and women ‘fall in love,’ or bond with each other and are able to then share those aspects of masculinity and femininity with each other -- or so the story goes.
I’ve got my own theories on the whole thing, but It think it best to save those for a later date. My point being that this is how I think they are reinterpreting the word “envy.”
They just don’t know how to put us, so they come up with seemingly plausible theories and then use words like “envy” in the context of what gender we’re ‘lacking.’
So they invalidate the human-sexuality/love portion of our humanity, by calling it "envy," so they can depict it as something that is LACKING in us.
I applaud the theory, but why it's somehow worthy of eternal torture (hell), I'll never know.
Apparently he was good looking and fit right into the popular gay scene, felt wonderful about it, drops lots of names and places, had lots of sex - says that "I had become sexually hooked." And also mentions two long term relationships. The break ups of which he blamed on the "gay life." You know, "THE" gay life..
At one point he did ask God: "but surely You couldn’t be upset if I maintained a monogamous relationship with another man?"
Long story short, I think this next paragraph makes an appropriate segue:
I observed the heavy drinking, drug use, public sex on the beach and the Mafia connections to the bars. Then came the enormous numbers of older gay men who were so lonely, They didn’t they have lovers.
Well, as fate would have it, he ended up going to Christmas Eve church with his friend Diane. Individually, they each heard a voice saying they were going to marry each other.
(Before we go on, apparently it happened, they’re still together, and they have kids. And for the record, as per the honeymoon:
I knew I wasn’t a raging heterosexual yet, however, this new experience was not as traumatic as I anticipated. While there were no great fireworks that first time, this new sexual relationship with my wife was pleasurable.I feel lead to say "congratulations," but this story’s about to get worse, and I don’t want to sound insincere.
…then the marriage…then the honeymoon…hold on it’s coming (flipping through pages)…here it is:
Our sexual relationship began to improve. It was the equivalent of passing through a very late puberty. My newly awakening attraction to the opposite sex was very exciting.HOORAY! He’s completely... ... ...not 100% attracted to men anymore!?
Then we get a litany of “How long the healing process will take, *sigh*:
Extent of absent father, overbearing mother, examples of sexual abuse, bad at sports, low self esteem, and it goes on and on, an not to make light of any of it, but I find it absurd to attribute these things to same-gender attraction - which unfortunately Mr. Falzarano does, every time he refers to his own experience, as an aspect of “THE” gay-life,” and his own promiscuity, as “THE” gay-lifestyle.
But that’s not all:
When considering the above-mentioned variables, it’s important to keep in mind that it’s the child’s perception that’s crucial to his or her psychosexual development.Got that? The length of time the "healing process" will take, depends NOT on whether any of these events did or did not take place, but whether, and to what extent the child 'PERCEIVED' them to have taken place.
How’s THAT for covering all your bases?
Another anecdote was when he mentioned that he knew he was "healed" was when he realized he was no longer "turned on" by guys. "The physical arousal had greatly dissipated!" Then turns right around in the next paragraph to share his frustration of "still finding men attractive to look at."
Another thing he talks about was his addiction to masturbation. "In the midst of my 20 year addiction, I would fall into it’s grips two or three times per day" and continues that "The Lord convicted me that as long as I persisted with this behavior, I would continue to reinforce my false homosexual identity."
Now I’m not an ‘ologist’ of any kind, but it would seem to me that wanking off to gay fantasies isn’t getting over them, it’s just expressing them, albeit in a more subdued way. But he says later that he got over that “addiction” too.
He eventually started a Parents & Friends Ministries 10 Step Program. Then goes on to describe some “success” and “failure” stories.
One of the stories included the four characteristics that had to be in place if someone is going to make it out:
1) Being a Christian.
2) Having a conviction that the “gay lifestyle” is against God’s desire for one’s life.
3) Desire to change.
4) Willingness to do what it takes.
Translation: If you’re an atheist or of another religion, and want out of the "homosexual lifestyle," screw you! (in Jesus' name of course)
Then he goes on the talk show circuit where "we were able to present a Christ-centered warning to America about the political gay agenda’s plans for propagandizing our children."
And my favorite, from when he describes the 700 Club, he says he was disappointed that he wasn’t being interviewed by Robertson himself, but as he says:
“Pat sat off camera and listened attentively to the entire interview. What was really funny was when was when Terry asked the question, “ is it true that you were very promiscuous when you were a homosexual?” And when I answered, “Yes, I had over 400 sex partners.” Pat Robertson gasped loudly. So loudly in fact, that it is audible on the video taped copy of the interview. At the end of the interview as we went to a commercial, Mr. Robertson walked up to shook my hand, and said, “you have changed my entire understanding of homosexuals. Thank you.Well, I guess if you look at it like that; If I’m a gay virgin, and someone like Anthony has had sex with 400 people, so if you split the difference, then we’ve both had sex with 200 people, so then, if this were a
Moving along, he again makes the claim that "One of the roots of homosexuality is envy." and “When one recovers from the homosexual condition, one is, in essence, being 're-parented.'"
Ok, I've explained that, I just wanted to mention that it was mentioned again.
And here’s how he got over his “addiction” to masturbation. Apparently, all it takes is a dictionary. First you recognize the word “fornication” in the Bible, which Webster’s dictionary describes as the incontinence of unmarried persons, and then you look up the word ‘incontinence’ to find that it means “not restraining the passions or appetites,” and voila, masturbation is now sinful fornication.
Again, he says: “the sexual attraction toward my wife began to increase and my envy of men began to wane.”
Chapter 16: If You Have A Loved One Who Is Gay: Help For Families
He describes parentsandfriends.20m.com as “We are the al-anon of the ex-gay movement.”
To be fair, I do want to mention one quote which I found laudable:
I believe that when we all come before the Lord in judgment someday that He will be more merciful to many in the gay community who have given of themselves to the many different AIDS causes than towards some of these Christian “celebrities” or church officials who point a finger at the gay movement but did little or nothing to relieve the pain of the AIDS victim or the homosexual struggler. Jesus said, “When you do this to the least of my brother’s you did this to me”Ok, I don’t appreciate the “homosexual struggler” part, but I do appreciate the sentiment.
And now for what I feel are some of the worst parts, he mentions:
"Please be aware that there are over 12 “self-help” books on the market that teach your children or other loved ones “how to break the news” to the family that have been carefully orchestrated by gay activists. I suggest that you purchase one of these books so that you will know when they are using manipulation and other similar tactics that are mentioned in these books."
-You know, as I think about it, that almost doesn't sound like a bad idea. Because I imagine that there's not really going to be any "secrets," or advice on how to "manipulate" in those books, but more information on how to communicate the most effectively given whatever the situation may be.
He describes that the books are meant to make the parents or loved one feel guilty and ends with the astonishing claim that "Many homosexuals are typically manipulative, spoiled and used to having their own way." And then goes on to suggest that if ANY “evidence” of homosexuality is found in the child’s room, it is perfectly acceptable to then ransack and rifle through everything they own, in the attempt to find more “evidence.”
As though same-sex attraction, in and of itself, makes you want to go out and hurt people.
As far as I’m concerned, this next part is the WORST thing that was said in the entire book.
A parent of a homosexual will often say to me, “if I don’t allow him to bring his boyfriend home, he told that would not come home for Christmas either” After she utters this statement, I have to painfully inform her that she had already lost her child years ago when he entered the lifestyle. Parents must realize that the child they knew in their early years is now capable of lying, manipulating and deceiving in a way that they never thought would have been possible.-Another thing he says is that at his brothers wedding he thought “I wanted what my brother had and wanted to be married with children.”
Peterson Toscano said that was what was the exact reason that drew him to ex-gay ministries, but he got out.
Alan Chambers of Exodus International said the same thing as well, but he now makes a living out of making the lives of GLBT persons miserable.
Many people in the Church have been fed the propaganda of the very well funded gay political lobbyist. They have over $150 million dollars a year to spend on lobbying America into believing that homosexuals are born “that way”, and they have been quite successful.He then reiterates Corinthians 6:9-11, to come to the conclusion that “If God tells us that practicing homosexuals will never enter the kingdom of God, then don’t you think that it would be very cruel if God brought us into the world condemned to hell already?”
Too many things wrong with that argument to address at this point, but I will say, "slanderers" are also mentioned as one of those who will not "inherit the Kingdom of God." So as of yet, Mr. Falzarano, you and the rest of what you consider to be we -- unrepentant homosexuals -- are perfectly in the same boat.
Always believe the Word of God over what you read in the newspapers. If what you read in the newspaper is in conflict with Holy Scripture, don’t believe it!I’d rebut the ridiculousness of that statement, but that would require another essay… I will mention however, that I do not believe that the Earth has "four corners."
Most homosexuals in their early childhood usually did not bond with their same-sex parent.Which is of course why single parent households churn out a disproportionately increased rate of homosexuals...
The ex-gay movement should have been more of a part of the current event debates over such topics as whether gays should be allowed to serve as leaders in the Boy Scouts, gay marriage, AIDS legislation and prevention . It should also be involved with the debate over whether gays should be allowed to have special rights in the workplace, I.e., the Employment Non-discrimination Act (ENDA), gay adoption, sexual abuse and pedophilia legislation.Now where's an organization like Exodus when you need one?
And apparently also, there’s someone from the Human Rights Campaign Fund (HRCF) who’s going out and finding people who "abandoned their healing process and have returned to the lifestyle." And then “parades” them around in front of the “gay political community.”
Yeah, you! You person from the HRC, you! Who are you? And where can I send you money?
Neither cold nor hot
(I’d love to go further on that one too, but again, another essay)
The feminist women’s colleges in America are now training grounds for the gay movement. Their mottos are, “You’re not a woman until you’ve slept with one.” [no footnote given]...The gay activists have formed a new group called the Gay Lesbian Straight Teachers Education Network (GLSTEN) whose mission is the homoseuxualization of our children. They know that most Americans over 45 are too smart to accept the tenets of this horrible agenda; so, they are going after our youth, not necessarily to make them gay but to neutralize them into accepting the gay agenda. The gays don’t have to get you completely into their camp, they have only to confuse you and/or neutralize you, and they’ve won.Oh, and then don’t forget, "Sexual promiscuity played a major role in the demise of both the Ancient Greek and Roman Empires."
In other words, free societies are the easiest to take advantage of by the worst elements in them - but blame it on the gays.
He asks one other thing of interest: "Will you continue to defend the spiritual orphans in our midst?"
Good question Anthony. How do we reach people like you?
P.S. I made a few edits today 8-28-08